Tuesday, August 25, 2009
ramblings...part2
I forgot to mention.. Nathan does not really make friends easy. He has a handful of friends from high school that we get together with a few times a year. It's hard 'cause none of them live near by. So, it's like Nathan has not really made new good friends since then, so I feel like he relies on me for that. I can't be his only friend, nor can I find friends for him, so that makes things really hard. I feel like whenever someone stops by, mostly my girlfriends in and out...(you know how I am, ladies ;) ), I can tell Nathan yearns to talk to someone, and he really enjoys it. He would love to have someone over for dinner probably 4 nights a week for company. But, financially, and work wise, for me, we can not do it more than a couple of times a month, which we try to do. I feel like it's not enough for Nathan, though. Anyway, I just forgot to put that in my last post. I do not know for sure, but I think that it makes a difference in our relationship! Oh my gosh, once I have started talking, I can't seem to shut up!!!
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Lisa I would love to talk with you about this on the phone but I have had my mother here for a week and she won't be leaving till Thursday morning probably so it will be a couple more days. I feel like you realy wnat some one to say " It's ok. Just go ahead and get divorced. You should be happy and that will make you happy so do it." But when you talked about getting divorced at the begining of the year that did not make you happy, it turned your stomache as I recall. But I also recall most of it was about not having as much time with the kids and even though it's right for you to want to be there for the kids THEY ARE NOT THE CORNER STONE OF YOUR HOME. YOU AND NATHAN ARE. I realize I am not your only friend but I am usualy on the phone with you for an hour once a week and I love doing that I feel like I have a great friend in you, but I don't think we talk about anything different than the things you said you talk about with Nathan. Lisa I really hope you know how much I really want the best for you guys. You are part of my family. Trust me I do know it's hard to even like a husband sometimes but thereare so many other times that make up for those moments if we let them, but we have to let them. I want you to remember what Adam said about finding that candle moment and do it and as it will let it turn into a fire and then into that bonfire that needs to be there for you two. I hope you can understand what I am trying to say you know how I do not comunicate well. I love you.
ReplyDeleteLisa- my heart is aching for you - - above all, don't feel like you are evil for having these feelings!! I can tell you are trying, even if it isn't what makes you happy. I do feel that it IS worth it to keep trying for your family's sake. I feel totally out of my league trying to give marital advice, though. Your story sounds so similar to my aunt who did end up getting divorced - - and I was always sad about that. You know that no matter what I would support you in any decision. Only you truly know what is right. If there is a way to get that feeling of wanting to be together back- that is definitely what I would root for. Like Quel said, your relationship really is the most important in the house. It seems to me just finding SOMETHING you BOTH enjoy (something you can do together) is KEY- - there has to be SOMETHING . . . what did you guys talk about or do when you were dating and falling in love? I am not totally interested in everything Jon is and visa versa- but certain books, movies or TV shows we enjoy watching or reading together, and this helps our relationship so much. Have you tried reading a Star Wars book? Who knows, maybe you would actually like it! Sometimes you can get deep meaning out of something seemingly silly (ie- - Harry Potter) - - and you would have something to talk about besides kids and finances. Maybe if instead of just putting on a face you truly try to understand why he loves something so much, like his sci-fi books, he will try to understand some of your interests in return (he might actually really like Twilight! I know many sci fi kind of guys who like it . . . my husband included . . . ). At least he is trying to include you in his interest by talking to you about it. Maybe this isn't what you want to hear - - sorry - - Like I said, I feel totally out of my league giving marital advice.
ReplyDeleteHey- I love you- feel free to vent anytime and know that you aren't being judged EVER, and I would NEVER think less of you for having the feelings you do!
Lisa, I was so excited to see your blog and then as I read it my heart broke. First off, obviously I haven't been a great friend and haven't known any of this, and I still probably don't know a whole lot. But my first question to you is DOES NATHAN KNOW ANY OF THIS?? If not, you have to talk to him, shake him until he listens if you have to but let him know you're unhappy. He's a guy and believe me they aren't mind reader's you have to tell them exactly why you're mad, angry or frustrated and what he can do to make things easier, or better. So talk! Put the kids to bed early turn off the t.v and talk. I know it's not a cure all but either is divorce. My parent's had a perfect surface marriage and it crumbled and I'm still in the middle of it's ugly after math. Heavenly father wants you to be happy, and if you let him in he will help you and Nathan. But if Nathan doesn't know how you're feeling he can't be there to help. Go talk to the bishop and both of you get blessings. Ask for help from people in the ward to watch your kids. People want to help but sometimes don't know how to. I hope you will listen to what I and others are saying and that you haven't thrown the towel in yet. Do what ever you have to before you quit. I love you and miss you and if I lived closer I would totally be there to watch your kids. Best of luck with everything. Email me if you need to, bkl_sweets@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteKim
Lisa, yes I still love you and do not judge you after reading your blog! I will admit that some of the things took me by surprise, but some things I can totally relate to. I love your honesty and think you should keep posting more about your feelings as well as the funny things that happen to you, such as putting earwax drops in your eye. That would be sure to make us all laugh!
ReplyDeleteps. Mom my ride, FUNNY! Except that is basically what the inside of my car looks like right now, kinda sad!
ReplyDelete