Grateful

I have decided that I am grateful for a couple of things. First of all, I am very grateful for children who feel like they can speak their mind. I love it and pride myself on treating these little people with respect. Case in point; at breakfast one morning. Connor: "Mommy, are you a bit cranky? I don't mean to be mean, or anything, but it just seems that you are a little bit crabby. Are you?" Me: "Hmm, I think you're right. Sorry about that, I will try to watch it." I love that he is comfortable enough to put me in my place. Sounds like I needed it! Truth be told, I am always cranky while waking up...not a morning person. Also, I am extremely grateful for Megan and Tom. They are my friends that just left last week so Tom could start his podiatry rotations. I didn't really get to know them until this past winter, but they have made a profound impact on my life.I am grateful that Megan was listening to the promptings she felt to call me and ask me if I needed anything. Of course, my first response, or thought was , is she crazy, she is way too super busy to want to hear my problems. (and I also thought she was to cool, way out of my league :) ) But then she told me how she had been feeling for a few days, like she needed to call me, and couldn't ignore it. So, I hesitated, but gradually opened up to her. Quite honestly, I did need her at that time, I just didn't know it. But, Heavenly Father knew it, so He told her, and she listened. Tom and Megan helped me through a very low, sad, pathetic time in my life, and I hate to think where I would be without them. I will forever be grateful for them, for their love and support, for opening themselves up to me, and for not ignoring that still small voice. About a month before they left, I didn't know if I would be ok without them, but as time got closer, I knew everything would be alright. Megan, thank you for everything.

Confession

So, I think I have decided what I want my blog to be. First of all, I only want those whom I have invited to read this. Please do not tell friends of ours, "oh, hey, check out Lisa's blog!" 'Cause it's personal and private! Only if I have asked you to check it out are you welcome to do so. Thanks, my dear friends! Well, here goes. I am just going to do this like a band-aid and rip it off. I weigh 200 lbs!! That's right, I said 200! You may be saying to yourself, so, who cares? That is not that big of a deal. To those of you who are my skinny friends, and you know who you are, I love you, but when you did not even get close to that weight being pregnant even, then I rest my case.
I am posting this because I am disgusted and disappointed in myself. After kids, (cause, let's face it, we ain't ever going to be the same as we were before!) my lowest size was 14 (I don't remember the weight), and the largest I got was 220 lbs and a size 20. I am currently a size 18. I swore I would never get to a 20 again. I know that those of you that see me every day are thinking, "she does not look that big to me". I get that a lot. Trust me, I am. I just know how to dress to hide it. When you've been bigger most of your life, you learn how to dress NOT to accentuate it. I am really good at exercising. On the days I do not go to the YMCA, I walk two miles. Yes, that includes Sundays, because desperate times call for desperate measures. Also, the walks happen to relax me, which is a good thing. I really do like to exercise, and wish I had more time for it. It's the eating that is a BIG problem. I LOVE anything sweet and I do not take the time to prepare for myself healthy meals. The rest of the family, I make sure, eats well, just not me. I feel like I am constantly failing at something that I am constantly trying to overcome. So, my friends, I am not sure why I posted this, but if you want to hear more about this, then you'll come back. If you don't, then you won't. My blog is all for me, so there won't be details of day to day things I am doing with my children. You all know that I play with them, take them to the park, zoo, pool, science center, etc, just like all of you. You know I love them dearly, just like all of you do yours, so this is NOT that type of blog.

What do I do?

So, everyone, I have finally done it. I jumped on the blogging bandwagon. Are you all satisfied? You all said I should do it, so here goes. I have a really slow, crappy computer, so I do not know how much I'll be able to blog, or get pictures up, but hey, at least I'm doing it! It might take me a while to think of something interesting to say, so bear with me. I do not know what you people want to hear, or read. If none of you read it, I am going to stop doing it, so enjoy!! I am done for now! I promise, it will get better!